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Re: Kiane and the child-doctor
Hello, as you requested, here is my review:) : He has told me is a “human” and that his people live on the other side of the stars... He told ...
Nov 27, 2008 -
Re: Broken - Prologue
Sorry to be late with this review, but here it goes: She stood on cold stone. Her gaze sought something in the distance. Her gaunt, honey-coloured fingers clasped the leash. ...
Sep 15, 2008 -
Re: Future Final; Chapter One - Part One.
Since you have gotten quite a few grammatical reviews already, I guess I'll be brief and talk about the story itself: I feel that the first section needs to be ...
Sep 6, 2008 -
Re: The Boy From The North Chapt. One.
Nitpicks: The sun had already deserted the day and retreated amongst the clouds, leaving a few rays of pinkish light to stream through the gaps in the leafy ceiling, long ...
Sep 2, 2008 -
Re: My Missing Half
Alright! Sorry about the delay of the review but here it goes: The room was dark, a dim gray light shining down from the upper corner of the room. I ...
Sep 2, 2008 -
Re: Child's Play
It was short! Way too short! But anyways: It was a word that was slowly beginning to feel like a straightforward definition of his life; as if it was consuming ...
Aug 20, 2008 -
Re: Aurora
Nitpicks first: First of all, break up your paragraphs! Those two walls of text would usually turn the reader away immediately. When I look in the mirror, I see a ...
Aug 20, 2008 -
Re: How The World Burns
Read-along comments: even though it he felt Take out 'it' from the first sentence. The only sound was coming from him. It was the gun in his hand, as he ...
Aug 19, 2008 -
Re: Vyper: Soulless
Read-as-I-go comments: England docks. 2167 AD. 11:51 Pm I think you should reconsider some punctuations in this opening. And is the setting really called 'England docks'? Or is it a ...
Aug 17, 2008 -
Re: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall (Edited)
Okay, nitpicks first: Doubtlessly there would be ways to keep himself occupied. There should be a comma after 'doubtlessly'. It's needle sharp point glistened in the artificial light. It should ...
Aug 17, 2008 -
Re: Don't waste your time clicking here
Nitpicks first: Agian. It's 'again'. I have had the same vivid, reoccuring nightmare since I had turned sixteen, nine months ago. Not to be mean, but there are quite a ...
Aug 15, 2008 -
Re: The Orb of Confucius (1)
*Gasps* You posted! I owe you a critique so here we go: First of all, I need to critique the glossary (because I can): Ye-ye = grandfather. I presume it's ...
Aug 14, 2008 -
Re: Snowfall in Israel
Bravo, it was quite a delightful read! "Israel must be wiped off the map" Very powerful quote, but shouldn't it end with some sort of punctuation? Someone up in heaven ...
Aug 13, 2008 -
Re: Robbing Blockbuster
Okay, nitpicks first: MOVIE STORE CASHIER: It’s a school night, isn’t it? It’s a little late to be checking out movies. He had directed the question to REUBEN, but REUBEN ...
Aug 13, 2008 -
Re: What The Hand's Have To Say
It's nice with its elegant imageries, but I think it's a little too simple. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, simple things are nice sometimes. Look at the lines on ...
Aug 10, 2008
